This is something I don’t normally do on my blog, but today I’d like to talk a little more about what’s going on in my head rather than what’s going on around me. Time on my own has given me so much time to just think and reflect, and it is during those moments that I decide certain clarifications need to be done, changes need to be made and things/ people need to be welcomed into my life.
I’ll start with this.
It’s about the content I’ve been creating on my blog. Specifically, the happiness/ positivity I’ve been peppering my posts with.
I hope everyone who reads this blog understands that happiness is something I want to look back on and remember. I’d like to remember what once made my soul sing. If not for anyone else, this blog is a diary for myself and I’m glad that by making it public, I have been able advocate a few of my passions with others. Veganism, my love for Nature and Photography, for instance.
All this positivity doesn’t mean I am happy/ positive 24/7. I’m just like any of You who faces trying times that I have to eventually get over. I cry, I get angry and can be mean when I feel ticked off. I have insecurities, I have anxiety, I have moments of failure. Just like the flower featured in the picture above, which had to struggle its way through a little hole in the stairs to find its way to the sunlight, I have to find ways to grow through the tiny cracks in life which I may have fallen into. I’m learning every day and I’m facing the same human experience as any one of You reading this right now and I hope You know that I’m not “perfect” in anyway, as some of the messages I’ve been getting here have been telling me.
It was never my intention to present such an image of myself. All I wanted was to document my life now so that in the future I’d be able to look back and see what influenced me in life, and which had led me to where I’d be then. In doing so, I had chosen to glorify the blessings in my life and leave out the negatives. I guess it’s also a coping mechanism of mine to look back on my life, be reminded that I’m blessed, and be reminded that I have every reason to keep trudging along in life, no matter how tough it gets.
I die a little inside when I’d get an anon telling me that they want to aspire to be like me. It is flattering, it really is, I can’t deny that. It does put a smile on my face during the first moment, but then it fades knowing that the unique development of a soul is lost because they want to direct their development towards ‘becoming me’. I just wished these anon knew that the best way to develop is working towards being the best version of themselves. Yes of course, they could take my advice on things, but ultimately they should make it their own and suit their needs.
I hope You know I’m not perfect. I’m not any ‘more human’ than any of You. I just choose to mute the negatives in life and maybe if You did too, You’d realise what special stories each of You have to share with others, and that each of You are valuable to this Earth.
We don’t need copies of individuals, we just need originals working in their own unique ways towards the betterment of humanity.
I find it to be such a humbling experience to have each of You taking precious time off Your schedules to read the thoughts in my headspace in the form of blog posts. From the way You respond to them (either through private or public messages), I can tell that You’ve all got hearts of gold and are really quite wonderful just the way You all are.
Please never change.