My Mum and sister are currently mid-way through their flight back to Singapore and I could not help but go back to the moment all of us were reunited at the airport when my Dad arrived merely a week ago.
I froze as he walked out of the Arrival doors. For a moment, I could not comprehend my emotion. For the first time in my life, I was rooted to the ground and could not move, neither could I shift my gaze from my approaching Dad. Was this for real? Was my Dad really finally here? Is it really already the 13th of September? I missed him for so long and I guess a part of me grew numb waiting. You know how too much of an emotion could take hold of someone psychologically and somehow make them ‘emotionally numb’? I didn’t think it’d happen to me, but at 7.42am when I hugged a physique I yearned for so long, when my tears came gushing and heat flushed through my body, I knew it did. It was bottled up for far too long.
When my Dad joined the three of us ladies here, my life suddenly seemed fuller. It – finally once again – brimmed with a sort of excitement which I could only ever feel when all of us would be together. It brimmed with strength – now there was 4 of us against the world, it wasn’t just a lone me here in the midst of the relentless currents of this city. I’ve been blessed with a very beautiful circle of friends, yes, but somehow without my family here with me, I die a little when it becomes apparent to me at the end of the day that I could not share my happiness with my loved ones in my abode. I couldn’t hug them and express however happy I was. I mean really, is happiness really happiness if it cannot be shared?
As compared to the few weeks that I could bear to be away from my family in the past, I’d say that a few months would be an improvement. I guess I could be getting better at this – at separation. It must be true what they say, “Alles kommt mit der Zeit”, which means everything comes with time.
When I say I need to have my family around, it’s not about depending on them to get by life, no it isn’t. It’s just the special feeling of having them THERE – having them tangibly present in my life, the way their energies dance along with mine and produce the warmest of harmonies. Ah well, separation and independence – it’s all part and parcel of growing up, isn’t it?
At this very instant, my Mum and sister should be about 2 hours away from touch down in Singapore. It’s hard to believe that I could still hug them this morning but now they are once again thousands of kilometres away. I’d be lying if I said I’m feeling okay.
I don’t know, I suppose tracking their flight makes me feel ‘closer’ to them than I actually am. I feel my heart breaking.
I wish I wasn’t this far away, but I know this is for the better in the long run for all of us.
“When You touch down and read this post, please know that I’m missing You both very much.”
There’s not much else for me to do right not than to sleep. I’ve got school tomorrow and well, life goes on.