“I finally know the difference between pleasing and loving, obeying and respecting. It has taken me so many years to be okay with being different, and with being this alive, this intense. (xxvi)”
― Eve Ensler, I am an Emotional Creature
I do wonder whether it was just me, but in the past, I always found myself scrambling for an answer whenever someone asked me for a ‘favourite’. Be it a favourite word, favourite number, favourite travel destination, favourite subject or favourite colour. I remember how I always entered a momentarily fluster. Indecision in terms of things I favourited may seem like a small or insignificant point, but especially recently, I do feel that there was more to it than just ‘indecision’.
Looking back now, I realise the possibility that I may have been too intimidated by the idea of identifying myself with any category for the fear of being judged or stereotyped, or for being regarded as an anomaly. I suppose I was surfing through life without having a good sense/ grasp of myself.
One thing I’ve learned this year is how time heals everyone and makes anyone whole. I’ve noticed a change in my daily routine, my perception of things and the way I present myself.
I re-did my MBTI test recently and got strikingly different results from that of which I had gotten two years ago. It wasn’t too much a shock to my system, for as weird as this sounds, the person I was a few years ago was only a fraction of the whole ‘me’ and somehow… I knew it. I felt it. I feel as though I’m living life to the fullest for the first time right now. It really isn’t as scary as I thought it would be to be who I was made to become. It isn’t scary at all.
Breaking out of the intangible cage I had subconsciously built around my soul feels pretty darn magical.
Honour yourselves the freedom to express yourselves in any way you’d like – your penchants, pet peeves, your strengths and your flaws. Embrace what differs you from everyone else for these are the traits that make you special, not an alien.
Love yourself enough to be honoured, for it is only then that you’ll learn to accept love from others. I think everyone deserves such love in his or her life. :’)